PRO File...Felix and Oscar, havin' a good time and where's that Guy?

The NFL season wraps up this weekend (forgive me for ignoring the Pro Bowl)...and that means a sixty minute game in the middle of ten hours of programming...(apologies for pilfering the late Johnny Carson's Oscar jab)...it also means five sentences of actual content spaced over nine paragraphs of drivel.

For me it also means a trip to my friend Larry's for his annual SB party. There will be plenty of food--my favorite dish there is a "Buffalo Chicken Blue Cheese Dip", consisting of chicken puree, wing sauce and blue cheese dressing...it looks horrible but tastes great. There will also be "Butter Bars" available for dessert--75% butter, 30% sugar and 18% shortening. There will be gambling--Larry's friend we will not name breaks out squares on everything from first commercial to length of National Anthem. There unfortunately will also be "Are you havin' a good time?" Larry as host always wants people to enjoy themselves--and the first time I went he asked me multiple times if I was "havin' a good time"...I was but the frequency of that question increased with each drink he consumed--by the end of the game I was being asked if I was having a good time after every play. Larry, I would be having a great time if I didn't have to answer every five minutes the question if I was having a good time. So without further ado, musings and more...


Will Jack Klugman be handling the coin-toss? These the two teams tangling for the title couldn't be any more completely different. Pittsburgh has been a bastion of stability with three head coaches in 40 years, an ownership group respected in the league and a community that bleeds black and gold--while Arizona's had fourteen coaches in that span (albeit a pair of interim head men), an owner compared with the Irsays and Frontieres and a region that until their new stadium was built had yet to warm up to the team. This is truly an Odd Couple matchup. Hey, by the way, are you havin' a good time?

Pro Bowl thought--it has been reported that this will be the final year for the all-star game in Hawaii and starting in 2010 the exhibition will be moved to the weekend before the Super Bowl...I couldn't agree with this potential move more. It's already an afterthought and the absence of players from the two conference champions wouldn't dim the shine off the game that much (as it happens, more than enough players beg out of it--especially from the SB squads). Keep the game in Hawaii to serve as a nice carrot for the players, but make it a sorbet before my main course rather than keep it as an unwanted piece of cheesecake after I've gorged on SB for multiple hours. What did you think of that riff--and are you havin' a good time?

QB quandry--the old axiom is trust the signalcaller who's won it before...in matchups involving a SB winning QB against one who hasn't won the big one, previous winners are 12-3. For just the fourth time in the history of the game both teams will be starting quarterbacks who have won it all [previous matchups were SB X & XIII...(Steelers-Cowboys)...and XVII (Raiders-Redskins)... two classics and a blowout]. Kurt Warner and Ben Roethlisberger are also products of what would be considered "small colleges" (Northern Iowa and Miami of Ohio). In fact, very few "football factory" schools produce championship quarterbacks. Terry Bradshaw attended Louisiana Tech, Roger Staubach went to Navy, John Elway and Jim Plunkett attended Stanford, Phil Simms played at Morehead State... and Joe Montana went to Notre Dame (the school has only sporadically played D-I football since the mid-90's). Have you tried the butter bars...it's pure butter! And are you havin' a good time?

Canton Class--last year Redskins Nation was rewarded with two players punching tickets to Canton--and I wish there were room for one more this winter. Russ Grimm was a standout player during the Skins era of dominance from 1982-91 and it's hard to imagine the most celebrated offensive line in league history not have a member in the Hall...is it that tough to go from HOG to HOF? Did you get that play on words?...and most importantly are you havin' a good time?

Hey, I'm not done on the Hall...how is Ray Guy not enshrined? Forget that he was a nine time All-Pro...Guy was the first extremely athletic punter in the modern era. Unlike the likes of Bobby Walden and Paul McGuire, Guy resembled players in the Pro Bowl and not pro bowlers. The Raider was so much better than the rest of his contemporaries...which two tidbits illustrate: at the 1976 Pro Bowl, Ray Guy became the first punter to hit the Louisiana Superdome video screen. Officials raised the screen from 90 feet to 200 feet. Also, he once punted the ball with so much hangtime that the opponents pulled the ball and had it tested for helium. Gentlemen at the gates of Canton, when somebody causes the periodic table of the elements to be brought into play-- you have to give him a Hall Pass.

I would also like to see a wing for "innovative and influential assistants"...just as the game on the field has become specialized, so has the game off the field. Bud Carson and Buddy Ryan weren't outstanding head coaches, but the Steel Curtain and 46 would not have come about without either of them...likewise with Joe Bugel as the pre-eminent offensive line coach of his generation. Hey, are you going to talk about the game? And are you having a good time?


Unstoppable Arizona against immovable Pittsburgh (apologies to the 1971 Sports Illustrated cover)...this will be a clash of Steeler power against Cardinal speed. The big question is which unsung unit will prevail, Mike Tomlin's offense or Ken Whisenhunt's defense? Give the edge to the Steelers with a plus for their special teams...and Troy Polamalu's hair.
Pittsburgh 27, Arizona 21.

Hey Dave, one last question--are ya havin' a ...

Thank goodness Super Sunday comes just once a year.