Friday, January 15, 2010

24 Characters Hall of Fame...

24 premieres Sunday night on Fox. Yes, prepare yourself for more shouting, shooting and implausible plotlines...as a primer, my 24 most memorable characters. Now let's throw some caveats out there-- these are peripheral characters you may have forgotten... as opposed to primary protagonists (Jack, Tony, Michelle, President Palmer), antagonists (the Drazens, Nina, President Logan) or irritants (Kim). These are people in the 24 universe who sneak onto the scene-- steal it-- and then are either killed or forgotten thanks to the breakneck pace of the program.



24. Mandy-- she had sex with a guy in an airplane she then blew up in season one... before giving the President a biological weapon-laced handshake in season two. Season four saw her kidnap Tony and kill a 90210 reject (more on that phenomena later). Played to perfection by Mia Kirshner, you wished she'd come back for an extended run-- as a nemesis or partner for Jack.




23. Diego-- remember Kim's wavy-gravy boyfriend from season two? The goatee... the earring... and his ridiculously awesome karate kid-like takedown of Gary the abusive father Kim was nannying for... although after police car accident that Kim engineered, Kung Fu took a backseat as Diego's lower leg was amputated.


22. Willie from Sangala-- Kim's rap sheet also includes a boyfriend with a lost hand (Chase-season three) and a dead friend (season one). How black-cattish is Jack's daughter? In the two-hour movie, 24 Redemption-- she's not in the episode at all but helps cause the death of a character. You see, when Jack was in India he purchased a scarf/shawl to give to Kim. Realizing he'd never return to the US, Jack gave the shawl/scarf to one of the adolescent refugee orphans from his school, Willie. Wouldn't you know Willie would get the garment stuck. Wouldn't you know he'd step on a mine while trying to get it. Wouldn't you know Jack's friend Carl Benton would take Willie's place and sacrifice his life. Thanks, Kim--this one is definitely your fault.

21. Olivia-- setting a new standard for daughters and presidential family members who make bad decisions, season seven's First Daughter leaked administration information to the press... got the Chief of Staff to resign... taped herself having sex in order to blackmail a reporter... and then hired a hit-man-- winding up in prison. You go, girl.

20. Syed Ali-- season two's "first arc villain" (YES, each season sends a succession of bad guys at Jack Bauer with the impression of "you thought adversary #7 was tough... well wait til you see HIS/HER superior... they're twice as dangerous!--televisionwithoutpity.com compared it to a Russian Doll). Francesco Quinn's chilling portrayal scared you-- and after he was caught and killed there was a tension missing. Until the next bad guy showed up, at least.



19. Barooz-- Season four's first batch of bad guys had a two Middle Eastern parents with an unsuspecting son whose eyes bugged out with every discovery ... "mom, you killed my girlfriend Debbie!"... "mom, they were going to kill me!". He even gave the bug-eyes when asked by his girlfriend (before mom poisoned her iced tea), "Barooz, I left 17 messages on your cellphone. Why haven't you called me back?".



18. Ryan Chappelle-- even more commonplace than the multitude of bad guys is the endless list of mid-level managers in CTU or other branches. Most of these empty suits are characterized by their lack of faith in Jack Bauer's intuition as well as blatant incompetence. Ryan Chappelle took things to a new level of loathing... on a personal and professional level-he was undeniably unlikeable.



17. Edgar Stiles-- overweight lispy computer techs are often one-way tickets to cheap caricatures... but Louis Lombardi made season 4's computer guy respected (he helped reprogram 85 reactors from meltdown) and faulted ("I don't know If I can stay conthouth during my prethentathion-- I have low blood thugar") during the same episode. During his tenure it seemed as though scriptwriters were going out of their way to give Edgar "S" words in his lines. And he delivered in a manner you could only dream of. Why did he have to get poisoned in season five? Or should I say-- why did he have to get poithoned in theathon five?



16. 90210 rejects-- from the kid who took Brenda to the Prom, to the dude who Andrea had the affair with to the guy who dated Donna after beating up Ray Pruitt (partially for abusing Donna, partially for singing every time you turned around)... second tier 90210ers find second life on 24... until they're usually drugged or killed. Even when they're bad guys... (remember the journalism teacher Andrea had the crush on during senior year?) they have a three episode arc that never ends on a good note.

15. Bill Buchanan-- why did they kill the silver fox in season seven? He started as one of the many mid-level CTU supervisors... and seemingly asked everyone out to breakfast after the crisis was averted (he wound up marrying one potential breakfast date--Homeland Security Secretary Karen Hayes). But Buchanan didn't emerge as we knew him until he was fired... proving that rogues trump reliability any day of the week. His demise came all to quick. May he be taking Teri Bauer to lunch in the ever after.


14. Reza-- season two's first red herring was a groom on his wedding day. Reza worked for the Warner family and the bad guys were traced through some of their business transactions. He finally went to his office to exonerate himself only to be shot through the heart by his fiancee. Wedding days can be rough on everybody.


13. Audrey's husband-- Paul Raines (season four) suffered from the start as the guy standing in the way of Jack's romantic happiness... I mean although Jack and Audrey were meant to be together there was the technicality of her marriage. The fact he had huge ears AND called his wife "Orrdrey" didn't help either-- but despite that and the fact he was a Britcitizen and non-CTU employee, Raines appeared to have unimpeded access to the hallways of CTU with no security detail anywhere near him. Raines was shot later and died on the operating table after Jack pulled the medics away to work on an informant... thus making way for the best quote of the entire series: "earlier today Jack and Audrey were planning their life together; now he's killed her husband and will probably torture her brother."


12. Kate Warner and her terrorist sister-- you can't have a wonderful wedding without a blushing bride and her suspicious spinster sister. While Kate's main issue was the fact that she was bummed her younger sister was getting married before she was, Marie was concerned her cover as Syed Ali's money-launderer may be exposed. Solved by blowing away her financee in one episode to cover her tracks, followed by blowing away a complete stranger (in a different manner) order to secure the nuclear detonator less than an hour later. While her sister was being tortured (Kate narrowly avoided the famed deli-slicer), by the way. Did I mention Marie pulled a gun on Kate one episode later? Heaven help the mister or sister that comes between Marie and her plan!



11. Cheng Zhi-- season four saw Jack lead a CTU raid on the Chinese Consulate in LA. Big diplomatic no-no. Especially when you kill the consul. Especially when his director of security has the interrogation manner of Mr. Belding-- who wound up tracking Jack through death.



10. CTU guy who rolled on Jack-- of course, Zhi had help in the manner of CTU agent Howard Bern... whose face was caught on camera at the consulate. After being captured and questioned briefly Bern was threatened with labor camp and couldn't give fess up quickly enough. For all the torture Jack went through--he didn't say a word for two years in China-- this clown gives him up with the threat of no cable?





9. Elizabeth Nash-- season one's plot revolved around an assassination attempt on a presidential candidate. One of his staff members was unknowingly sleeping with one of the would-be killers. Nash then was to plant a homing device on Andre Drazen... and wound up stabbing him as well. Love, espionage and death--now that's an episode arc.



8. Spenser who slept with Chloe-- season five meant the glamming up of Chloe... the tech who had no social skills whatsoever. Mary Lynn Rajskub woke up after a crazy night with co-worker Spenser... leading to an awkward situation at the office. Did I add he was unknowingly working for the bad guys? Still, I was waiting for Edgar to say... "Thpenther... have you been having thethual relathionth with Chloe? Hath it been conthenthual?"





7. Moles, moles, everywhere moles-- Spenser wasn't the first or last mole at CTU/FBI/Secret Service/LA Public Library we've seen...no surprise there. For an organization that specializes in security (counter-terrorism) they have a very poor screening process...as well as a bad internal audit system. Jamey, Marianne, Sean Hillinger... one would think the CTU staff model has budgeted for turncoats. And the non-traitors? Often working on a "secret project" that gives co-workers the impression that they're in cahoots with the villains.



6. C. Thomas Howell/ Rick Schroeder/ Sean Astin/ Kevin Dillon/ the kid from Witness-- outside of recycling moles, 24 has become a rest stop for the 80's actors... and for the most part these guys remind us why they faded from the limelight in the first place. Thank goodness 24 is moving into the new decade with a 90's has-been, Freddie Prinze Jr.

5. Crazy daughter from season four-- no, not Kim Bauer. CTU Director Erin Driscoll had a schizophrenic teenage daughter Maya that committed suicide after being hospitalized Unfortunately this subplot ranged from irritating to unintentionally funny.


4. Wise administration voice nobody listens to-- from Michelle Forbes as Lynn Kresge to Peter MacNicol as Tom Lennox... there's usually just one person in the White House with sound advice to get this nation out of the current crisis. Most always this person is ignored, sabotaged, blackmailed and/or held hostage. Executive Branch efficiency at the highest level.


3. Dr. Anne Packard-- one subplot in the third season involved President Palmer's illness from being given a biological weapon by hand (thanks, Mandy)... and Palmer's physician was also his girlfriend whose ex-husband killed himself in her presence the night of Palmer's Presidential Election debate. And then poof! No more word of any of this as Season Three went south (literally and figuratively). Like a sanitation department, they buried this under a heap of other plotlines that didn't resonate. What happened?


2. Mountain Lion-- what was with that? Pointed to by many the shark-jumping moment of the series... and Kim's just reward for more than a few bad life decisions (going to a furniture store at midnight, leaving an injured child by a dumpster, dating Sean Avery in real life). Trust me, fans were rooting for the Lion.





1. Aaron Pierce-- he and Kiefer are the only actors to appear in every season, and while Jack saves the world by going over the top, breaking necks, sawing heads off with a hacksaw and shouting, Aaron Pierce subtly turns the bad guys plans awry. While Jack's shouting, Aaron's finagling a way to switch pilots on the Presidential helicopter. When Jack's shooting, Pierce is making detailed recordings he can pass to the necessary people. That's why last season I was never concerned for a minute after Olivia (#22) put Pierce on her detail-- he'd find her out sooner or later. It was only a matter of time. Plus, he wooed the President's wife--we know Marsha Logan was crazy, but still...

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